Out and about in town with a friend doing those fun, not so fun, chores when leaving the dry cleaners someone went off (got super angry) on my friend in a yelling tyraid. At first, we had no idea what he was flipping out about. A few patrons stood there watching in just as much confusion as to what made him so hyper and angry. Luckily a kind person called our small town police who were on the scene in about 2 minutes…seriously!
Now we have to remember when people get so angry its merely a reflection, of their inability to handle rough situations and, their insecurities and fears. So with that in mind, I didn’t know if this yeller-guy, as I call them, had a legitimate concern in the vicinity or was he just an angry bully who needed to get his problems out on my friend.
Well, the police arrived, he settled down immediately, almost embarrassed that other men saw how pathetically he was acting toward another person.
Its interesting how people express their anger. Some get quiet and pout while others berate, yell, swear, scream, etc. to get others attention. Luckily most of us can quantify our anger and deal with it democratically.
People realize quickly there is a problem with angry individuals and stay away. There are basically 2 types of uncontrolled anger that these people exhibit. Either they’re pouters or they’re yellers. Sometimes they use both tactics to get attention.
The pouters are fairly easy to deal with by letting them go off, whine, and basically ignore them until they sort out their feelings. Remember their anger is their problem!
The angry, aggressive, insulting, and threatening person is more tricky to handle and deal with, especially if its a family member. It is possible and easier than you think, and important to pay attention to when you have to be around angry people or encounter an angry person.
Here are a few easy ways to deal with anger-filled, inconsiderate people. So take a breath and let go of their crazy behavior.
First, is their anger, not behavior, justified? Granted they may be upset for a good reason, say someone placed a wine glass on an old grand piano. It’s fine for him to be upset and calmly tell the person his grievance. What’s not ok, justified, or acceptible is when he expresses that anger by becoming aggressive, out of control, yelling, swearing and/or becoming physically aggressive.
We can apologize but if the person does not accept a peaceful apology for the mistake and becomes enraged, its time to walk away and know this person has a problem it’s best to stay away from.
Second, stay calm. Avoid yelling back or raising your voice. Although staying calm may help de-escalate the situation, sometimes your calmness will escalate their anger because they start to see how ridiculous and insecure they are looking. Walk away at this point, nothing good will resolve.
And third, know when to separate and disengage. Confrontations with an overly angry person may come to a point when you need to disengage from the situation. It’s important to stay safe! Most often the situation will not have a positive outcome. The person may be so angry that a healthy, reasonable conversation just can’t be had.
Remember, their anger is their problem, not yours! It has no reflection on you. Its an immense reflection on the ones yelling. Anger comes from fear, insecurity, and shame. It’s not your problem to fix, it Is your job to protect yourself both mentally and physically, always.